Widowhood Is Not Funny

New Year, New Start!

2012-01-09T09:35:00.000-08:00

The New Year has always felt, to me, like a freshstart, a clean slate, a new opportunity. And if there’s one thing I’ve learnedsince I lost my husband and found myself alone, it’s to never ignore anopportunity. You never know where it might lead you or who you might meet. Ifirmly believe that we’re all here for a purpose and there’s a reason thatpeople come into our lives. Either we’re supposed to help them or they’re supposedto help us. Sometimes, we help each other. They may not always stay, but theydefinitely show up for a reason, and it’s our job to figure it out and do whatwe can.

I know from experience that a new widow is lost whenit comes to purpose. She’s lost her original purpose in life and it’sabsolutely essential that she find a new one and pronto. Without purpose, shewill wander in circles, drifting lost and without hope. We all need a reason tobe here, a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to leave the house.Without purpose, we’d hide under the covers and become recluses.

While I understand the need for solitary reflectionafter losing one’s spouse, I urge you to get through your grief, then get outthere and start looking for your new purpose. Open your heart and mind to newpossibilities and opportunities. The sooner you do, the sooner you will findjoy and happiness again, the sooner you will start to live again.

Remember, your husband would want you to live a fulland happy life, so get out there and look for it! And please, I’m herelistening and hoping for the very best for you in this new year. I hope you’llpost here and let me know how you’re doing. You can also contact me at widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

2011-12-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

HolidayHeartaches

Being a widow is difficult, especially in thebeginning. It’s a 24/7 painful reality. Then you add the holidays. Everythingyou do, everywhere you go, the memories are there, of better times, familiartimes, & happy times. And it hurts, a lot.

For me, Christmas was always my favorite holiday. Ispent weeks baking, decorating, crocheting gifts & wrapping. It was a veryhappy time of the year for me. Until Christmas of 2004, that is. That was thefirst Christmas holiday without Mel & I was devastated. There was a gianthole in my heart & even Christmas couldn’t fill it.

My daughter, bless her heart, tried to keep up someof the traditions, in an attempt to cheer me up, but it was too soon & Ijust didn’t have the energy or the heart for it.

It’s been almost eight years since I lost Mel &it’s better now, the pain is less intense, but Christmas is still verydifficult. I miss him so much, especially at this time of year.

In Chapter 5 of my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny, Ishare just how hard my first year of holidays was without my husband. While younever forget past holidays & why would you want to, they do become a biteasier as the years go by. You still miss your husband, but you learn year byyear how to deal with the holidays on your own. You’ll make new memories & smileas remember your husband with love.

WidowhoodIs Not Funny is now available for all e-readers.Give yourself a gift this holiday season-pick up a copy of my book, then leaveme a post & let me know how you’re doing, or contact me at: widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

What Do I Do With My Heart?

2011-09-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me as I listened to this song by the Eagles, that this is also the plight of the widow.

We can learn new skills, try new experiences and rediscover talents left lying dormant, sometimes for years. We can even start brand new lives, with admonitions to ourselves to not live in the past, at least not too much.

But the question still remains—what do we do with our hearts? When we said “I do” at our wedding, we gave our hearts to the men we loved. Now, those men are no longer with us. So, what do we do with our hearts?

Some of us may find love again and give our hearts to someone new. To those of you who do, I wish you much happiness.

If you’re like me, you didn’t give your heart lightly, but you gave it forever. The vows say, “Til death do us part.” But I love him still and I always will. My heart is his and always will be.

Last Two Stops on the Current Virtual Book Tour

2011-09-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hope you'll check out the last two stops on my current virtual book tour:

http://abookinside.blogspot.com/2011/09/time-to-get-linkedin.html

http://boomerlifestyle.com/blog/blogger-alanna-parke-kvale-freelance-writer-and-trailblazer-wrote-the-book-on-boomer-widowhood/

The Virtual Book Tour Rolls On!

2011-09-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hope you'll check out my latest guest blog post.

Find me at:

http://lynnettesbookworld.blogspot.com/2011/09/humor-author-alanna-parke-kvale-reaches.html

Stop by & let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Alanna

2011-08-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm being showcased today on a fellow author's blog. Hope you'll check it out.

http://www.marilynmeredith.blogspot.com/2011/08/widowhood-is-not-funny-by-alanna-kvale.html

The Best Is Yet to Come!

2011-08-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

What happens when you wake up one morning and your loss is not the first thing on your mind? What if you catch yourself smiling just before you drift off to sleep? What if you get the old question, “How are you?” from a friend, and you reply, “I’m great!” and you realize it’s true?

Maybe you didn’t notice the change at first, you’ve been busy and distracted from your grief. You look in the mirror and that sad, depressed woman is gone. In her place is a smiling, happy woman.

You’ve made it! The journey isn’t over of course, but it’s gone from a forced march to first class. Sadness isn’t your constant companion anymore. You don’t cry yourself to sleep every night. Every day, in every way, you’re getting better and better. You’re feeling more confident, more sure of yourself, more at ease in this new life. You’ve been through hell and come out the other side. You’re a stronger, happier woman and it shows. You find yourself approaching life with a new attitude.

And you remember your husband and your life together, with fondness and love. The pain has diminished as it’s supposed to. You’ve moved on as you were intended.

Life is good!

What, Me Worry?

2011-06-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

My mother used to call me a “worry wart.” I worried about everything. If worrying was ever made an Olympic sport, I was gold medal material. Worrying about things doesn’t change the outcome, but it can give you ulcers, if you don’t learn to curb the impulse. If you’re worried about relationships, it won’t help you get along with people. If you’re worried about money, it won’t bring in a single dollar.

According to Dallas businessman, Fred Smith, “the average worrier is 92% inefficient, since only 8% of what we worry about ever comes true. Many years ago, I began to worry about what would happen to me if I lost my husband. Of all the things that concerned me, that turned out to be the 8% I was right about. Go figure.

Mr. Smith also says, “we should wait to worry.” Since it won’t change things and can only make us sick, why worry until we absolutely have to? Worrying only builds things up in our minds, making them seem worse than they really are.

I won’t say I’ll ever be a champion non-worrier, but I’m getting better. Keep in mind what Charles Spurgeon said. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength.”

Hang on to your strength and let the worry drift away.

Now Available!

2011-05-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

I'm delighted to announce that my book, "Widowhood Is Not Funny" is now available for your favorite e-reader. Whether it's the:

Amazon Kindle
Barnes & Noble Nook
Sony Reader
iPad

you can now order, download & begin enjoying my book instantly.

My thanks to those who have already purchased copies of my book.You're loved & appreciated for being such supportive, encouraging souls.

If you're a widow or know someone recently widowed, I hope you'll consider purchasing a copy.

Why Am I So Angry?

2011-03-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

Feeling anger at this time is very confusing. After all, you loved your husband with all your heart, but every day you cry and demand to know why he left you all alone. I was angry that my husband didn’t take better care of himself. Didn’t he know I couldn’t handle things alone? What, in our history together would lead him to believe that I could live without him?
Being angry at your husband also makes you feel guilty, after all it wasn’t his fault that he died and left you all alone. I feel certain that it wasn’t my husband’s plan, it just happened. So why was I so angry?
Believe it or not, anger is a part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean you loved your husband any less or that you won’t continue to love him the rest of your life. But it’s perfectly normal to be angry that you’re alone when you don’t want to be. Part of the anger you’re feeling is tied to your fear of being without him. After a time, you will be able to forgive your loved one for leaving you and your anger will fade. When you begin to feel more capable of handling what life throws at you, you’ll find the anger disappearing. Eventually, we all come round to acceptance.
In the meantime, just know that it’s part of the five stages of grief, it’s normal, so don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s all part of this journey. Pat yourself on the back for making it this far and know that everything that happens to you in life makes you the strong, capable woman you are becoming. Your husband would be proud of that woman.

I'll Be Happy When...

2011-01-26T08:12:00.000-08:00

We all do it, we put off being happy, thinking that certain criteria must be in place to allow that happiness. I’ll be happy when I have the right job. I’ll be happy when I’m not alone anymore. I’ll be happy when I get the dream house I’ve always wanted. Why can’t we just be happy right now, right here wherever we are? Why must we postpone our happiness?

Are we afraid to allow ourselves to be happy for fear it might disappear? Do we feel we don’t deserve happiness? Some folks don’t know how to be happy or feel it must be a big reason to be happy, not recognizing that one can be happy for small reasons too. How about being happy that you have a roof over your head, even if it isn’t your dream home? How about being happy that you have food on your table, even if it’s not gourmet meals? How about being happy that you have transportation, even if it’s not a Lexus?

As a widow, you might think you have absolutely no reason to be happy, after all, you’re alone, without your husband, how can you ever be happy again? I’m here to tell you that you can be happy, it is possible and you deserve to be happy again. Your husband would want you to be happy again.

How do you do that? Start by being kind to yourself; tell yourself it is okay to be happy, to start enjoying life again. Your husband died, you didn’t, which means you still have things to do, things to accomplish, someone to help, etc. Put aside your sadness and find a new purpose in life, your raison d’ȇtre, your reason for existence. It may not be clear right away exactly what that reason is, but allow yourself to explore the possibilities and find yours. It’s been said that to feel better about yourself, you should help someone else. You could teach others what you know or mentor a young person. It might be a new career that helps you find your purpose in life. When in doubt, follow your passions.

Most importantly, know that being happy is okay, in fact it’s necessary to every human being, so don’t postpone your happiness. Be happy now, don’t wait!

Resignation or Acceptance?

2010-10-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

In the beginning, as a widow, all you can manage is a form of resignation. You understand nothing will be the same in your life ever again. You've lost everything and you can do nothing about it, except survive and try to start over. You feel hopeless and helpless to change anything in your life at this moment in time. One breath at a time and one foot in front of the other is the best you can manage right now.

Resignation makes you feel that it's all over and there's nothing to be done. Resignation brings with it depression, since you know in your heart that you'll never get your old life back. At this point, all you can focus on is the loss you've experienced. You didn't just lose your husband, you lost your hopes, dreams, goals and your future. Resignation feels like the end of the line. Depression causes you to stay in bed, sleeping too much, because it requires too much energy to get up and face life and people again. You can't find a good reason to get out of bed. You've lost your purpose in life, along with your husband and you can't even begin to see a new future for yourself.

Acceptance however, makes you feel that it's only the end of things as they once were, not the end of things that can be. When you come to acceptance of what's happened to you, you can then allow yourself to actually feel hopeful about your future. You can find peace and some measure of comfort. You've made it through this agony and survived, and you're actually considering what you want to do now, how you want to start over. The depression has lifted and you've begun to think about what you want to do with your life. The fear recedes and you realize you can do things to change your life for the better; you find your purpose, your reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

You'll know when ou've reached true acceptance and that's when your new life really begins.

Another Anniversary

2010-09-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, September 7, 2010, Mel & I would be celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary. If only!

I've made it through birthdays, holidays and family events, and each one brings with it is own sadness, memories and longing. But without a doubt, our anniversary is by far the hardest event to get through each year.

I can't say that I dread the date, that's not true. For 35 years, I looked forward to that day of the year. I was one of the lucky ones, a happily married woman, with a loving, caring man at my side. It wasn't a perfect life, married life never is, but we were happy with each other. Fortunately, we had grown together over the years and understood each other and our place in the universe.

We watched other couples, not so fortunate, have serious problems and sometimes even go their separate ways. It seemed to be a world of temporary happiness and throw-away relationships. Yet we endured.

No, I don't dread the date. I remember how fortunate I was to find such a good man, a caring person, a man who made me feel safe and cared for, a man who made me feel loved. For us, it really was "Until death do us part."

Here's to the 35 years of happiness we did have! I love you, Mel, I always will.

Check out my new book!

2010-06-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

Hope you'll take a peek at my new book.

Widowhood comes suddenly and painfully into a woman’s life. One minute you’re married, and in a single heartbeat, you find yourself alone and lonely. Despite the pain and anguish, you must realize you’re not through with life on this planet. It’s time to finish the race, to pick up where your husband left off. Grief is personal. Every woman must find her own path to a new life, new purpose and new happiness. But all must navigate their way through the minefield of emotions that the loss of your life partner can bring you to. This is a guidebook to help you navigate that minefield and make it through to the other side. Inside you will find the sensible, practical advice only another widow can give, in a no-nonsense, get it done, you can do this approach. Take a deep breath, and say goodbye to the past, then turn around and face your future! When it comes to grief,it takes as long as it takes!

http://www.lulu.com/content/e-book/widowhood-is-not-funny/8505174

Starting Over

2010-06-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

Time to start again, it seems. My daughter has moved away from home, to be with her husband, who's in the army and stationed many miles from here. I miss her terribly, but we both have our own lives to live now, separately. I had hoped she would live close by and I'd see her occasionally; she wasn't supposed to move so far away. She phones me now and then, and sends texts each night, saying she loves me and misses me, which is nice, but not the same as having her nearby.

I've moved too, into my own small place. It's the first time I've ever lived alone and it's exciting and scary, all at the same time. It's very quiet, which as a writer, I appreciate a lot. I sit here at my computer, pecking away on my latest assignment, lost in my own little world. I love being able to work at home, where it's peaceful and quiet. When it gets a little too quiet, I go visit with friends, go to my club meetings and enjoy the comraderie and laughter.

So, I have a new life, a new career, and new friends. Like anyone, there are times I love it and times I hate it, but mostly it's good. When I feel down about being alone, I remind myself that change is good and inevitable, it seems. I've stopped trying to bring back what was normal, whatever that is nowadays, and try to embrace the changes in my life. The bad news is I have to be alone now, but the good news is I have new opportunities and new ways to bring my dreams to fruition. I've posted before about not getting stuck in grief and hiding in one's home, avoiding life. We have to get on with things, with life; life goes on and we have to go with it.

Those of you out there who read my blog, and thank you, btw, will notice a change in attitude. It's taken a while, but I've finally reached acceptance, that last stage of grief. Sometimes, you feel as if it will never happen, how could you accept the loss? But you do, you have to, eventually. That's when you know you're ready to start over. It happens at different times, for different women, but it happens and when it does for you, don't feel guilty. You can't hold onto the grief forever; your husband wouldn't want you to anyway.

Reach out and embrace your new life, make it a good one. Starting over is scary, but exciting too. I hope you'll post here and let me know how you're doing, how you're moving on and starting over. I'd love to hear your stories. Talk to me, I'm listening!

New Facebook Fan Page

2010-04-17T11:00:00.001-07:00

I've just created a new Facebook Fan Page for my e-book. I hope you'll take a look at:
Widowhood Is Not Funny by Alanna Parke Kvale
and become a fan!

If you haven't already done so, take a look at my new e-book, Widowhood Is Not Funny. It's an instant download that you can add to your electronic readers or read straight from your computer. Pick up your copy at:
http://www.lulu.com/content/e-book/widowhood-is-not-funny/8505174

As always, your feedback is important. Post a message here or email me at:
widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

A New Beginning

2010-04-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

The best advice I could give a new widow, regardless of which stage of grief she's going through is "move forward or perish!" While it's important to go through each stage of grief, it's equally important to not let yourself get stuck in any of them. Grief can become too familiar and even comfortable. It's easier to cry and be depressed because moving forward means more change and effort. We begin to understand the crying and depression, it doesn't require any effort to just stay stuck there; we know what to expect every day. Getting out of bed, dressing and going out means change can happen. We've already discovered that change is painful, so we try to avoid it.

The problem is if we don't allow the change, if we don't get up, get dressed and go out once in a while, we become stagnant. We get stuck in a rut of our own making, a rut that can get deeper with each day, making it that much harder to get out and move forward.

Staying stuck in that rut also means that we don't take advantage of opportunities that may come our way, opportunities that could propel us forward into a new future. We're still so fearful of that future and would love to avoid it altogether, but we can't; we have to move forward or perish. It's essential that we look for that new beginning, that opportunity that allows us to heal, to grow, to find some joy, maybe even to look forward to our future.

Yes, I said look forward to our future. You may feel at first that it would be disloyal to even think of being happy again, now that you've lost your husband. Staying in that rut, being miserable and unhappy doesn't prove your love and devotion to your husband. He, of all people, would want you to be happy again, to find joy in your life, to look for those opportunities that will enhance your life and help you move forward. The happier you were in your marriage, the more important it is to allow yourself to be happy and work on making a new life. You had a rich, solid relationship, something most people only wish they could have, and it gives you the strength you need to start again.

So, pull yourself up, get dressed and go out, find a purpose and start living again. Make a new beginning!

My new book, Widowhood Is Not Funny can help you find that new beginning. It's a guidebook to help you find the joy on the other side of grief. I hope you'll pick up a copy at:
http://www.lulu.com/content/e-book/widowhood-is-not-funny/8505174
I'd love to know how you liked it and how it helped you. You can leave me a post here or contact me at: widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Life Is Not Perfect

2010-03-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

Don't we all dream of a perfect world, where everything always goes right? In a perfect world, we would still have our husbands, as well as the dreams and goals we developed together as a couple.

But the world and our lives are not perfect. Life is messy and unpredictable, far from perfect. We have no choice, we simply have to learn to deal with the messiness and unpredictability.

The one choice we do have is how we'll deal with Life. We can rail at our imperfect world, moaning and groaning at the unfairness of it all or--we can go with the flow, as they say, finding our place, and even peace, in this imperfect world and yes, we do have a place in it.

The Japanese have a philosophy called "Wabi Sabi," in which they learn to appreciate and indeed, celebrate the imperfection of the world around us; they find the beauty instead.

The Amish believe that, while we should strive to improve ourselves and our lives, we should not aim for perfection. They believe that only God is perfect and man can never be.

Striving for perfection is hard on our minds and our bodies; it's very stressful. It's so much easier and healthier to learn to appreciate the imperfections, even celebrate and find the beauty in them.

As widows, we have enough stress in our lives, without adding trying to achieve perfection to the already long list of stress builders. So take a deep breath and start looking at the world differently. Go ahead and find those imperfections, but instead of letting it upset you, learn to find the beauty there.

Learning to find the beauty in imperfections requires a paradigm shift in our thinking. As humans, we tend to find and complain of the imperfections. It takes some practice to learn to find the beauty where once we found only flaws.

The poem by Leonard Cohen says it best.

Ring the bells that still can ring.

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack in everything.

That's how the light gets in.

Attention! New e-book now available!

2010-03-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Widowhood Is Not Funny now available!

First of all, a great big thank you to everyone who reads my blog; I sincerely hope it's been of help to other widows out there. And second, I'm happy to announce that my book Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available for purchase on Lulu.com, as an e-book, so it's an instant download.

If you've found the blog to be of help, I hope you'll consider purchasing a copy of my book for yourself or for a friend going through this journey of grief. There is no need to go on this journey alone; there are others who have been through this loss and understand. Widowhood Is Not Funny is intended as a guidebook to help you through the stages of grief and on to a brand new life. The future can be bright and there is joy to be found when you get to the other side.

I hope you'll consider purchasing a copy of my book at:
http://www.lulu.com/content/e-book/widowhood-is-not-funny/8505174

As always feedback is desired and appreciated; by all means let me know how the book has helped you and how you're doing in your own journey. I'm here if you want to talk, so leave me a post or email me at: widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Thanks again,
Alanna

The Great Balancing Act

2010-02-23T13:41:00.001-08:00

One of the secrets to getting through this journey of grief is to find balance in your life. Hiding in your home, staying in bed, and refusing to see friends and family is not good for your health, physical, mental or emotional. Wallowing in the grief and allowing yourself constant "pity parties" is not good for you. But going to extremes in the opposite direction is no good either. Many women try to lose themselves in outside activities, such as volunteering, shopping or working nonstop, thinking it will be just the distraction they need. This is avoidance and that's not good either. You can't avoid the grief or distract yourself forever. Dealing with the pain is important, and will actually get you through this journey faster.

This is where the balance comes in. Getting out of your house on a regular basis is a good idea. You need to socialize now and then. Being out of your rut and with other people is good for you. It will help you get through this painful journey, and get on with your life. Getting out will help you avoid so much of the depression that comes with this kind of loss. But know when to say enough, and come home, where you can rest and recharge. Trying to do too much could result in you getting sick, something that's all too easy for the new widow.

Getting out a couple of times a week, to be with people who make you smile, will help immensely. Don't overdo, remember, moderation in all things. Find that balance in your life and you'll discover that you're enjoying life again, looking forward to being with others, and then, let yourself smile.

How Long Will This Last?

2010-01-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

This is a question that is constantly on your mind, during any stage of grieving you might be going through. The grieving remains, it's the intensity that changes. In the beginning, the grief is so intense, you're sure you won't make it, they'll be burying you next. The sadness is so overwhelming, it's difficult to breathe some days. Focusing on each moment, each minute task is the only way to get through each day. You look forward to sleep, just so you'll be unconscious and can stop thinking for a few hours. You don't want to think about the next day and the next, or the next week, month or, Heaven help you, next year, without your life partner. You know eventually you'll have to face it all, but please God, just not now! It's tempting to want to stay in that numbness forever, but your logical mind reminds you it's just not possible, or even desirable. The only way to get through the grief is to face it head-on and work past the pain and anguish,

I cannot tell you exactly how long it will last. Each woman is different, her grief is different, and the way she has to work through it is different. It's similar to being in a swimming pool for the first time. You're afraid of the deep end and hesitant to get in it, so you edge your way around the pool, stepping carefully, testing the depth, gathering your courage, making sure you can breathe, until you're brave enough to let go of the side and swim out by yourself.

But fear not! As in a swimming pool, you're not alone. Just as there are lifeguards to keep you safe at the pool, so here in the world of widows, there are also friends you can depend on to help you through the deep end of your grief and out the other side safely.

If you feel you're in over your head when it comes to your grief, remember, you're not alone. There are a great many of us widows and we have to help and support one another. Talk to us here and we'll get your through.

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot?

2009-12-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

Well, we're coming up on the New Year-2010. February 23rd will be six years since I lost Mel. Six years since my life turned upside-down. Like everyone else, I started this journey in absolute terror and uncertainty. I was terrified of being alone, living alone and uncertain I even knew how. I wanted to just hide forever, hide from the world, hide from my loss and from the growing terror that I couldn't do this alone. That was the cry from my mind and heart for a very long time-"Lord, I can't do this !"

Then came the realization, of course, that I had no other choice. This was part of life, like it or not. I couldn't hide forever, no one can and I'd have to get out and face life sooner or later. I chose sooner. And you know what? It was the right choice for me. I got out there and made a new life for myself. I made new friends, lots of new friends, some local and some online. They've been supportive and encouraging and I know I wouldn't have done half as well without them; they've made life fun again.

And I've started a new career. I'd been writing for years just for fun, now I do it for a living and I'm having a blast. Hopefully, my book will be published and on the bookshelves soon and life will be even more fun.

In a few months comes the biggest test of all for me. My daughter was living at home when Mel died and has stayed with me these past tough years without him. But she'll be joining her husband soon. He's in the army, stationed in Afghanistan and when he returns, they'll be moving on to his next posting (in the states, thank goodness). At that point, I'll truly be on my own.

But I know I'll be all right and I intend to embrace this new life, because I must and because I know Mel would want me to. It's another choice to make and I choose joy!

What will you choose for the New Year?

Just An Update

2009-08-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised I'd keep all you gals up-to-date about my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny. So, I sent it off, complete with cover letter and proposal, to an agent recommended by some Boomer friends. I was amazed at now nerve-wracking it was to just send it off. I agonized over every word, every sentence (I have never written a book proposal before). Finally, I just took a deep breath and hit the send button. Off it went and I experienced a moment of sheer panic. Over the years, I've sent many manuscripts (essays, articles, short stories, etc.) off to magazine editors, and it's always stressful. It's a little like sending your children out into the world. You pray they'll be treated kindly and with respect, but you fear for them.

The response from the agent came back very quickly, which is probably never a good thing. I fear my manuscript received very little consideration at all. In my cover letter, I had included some statistics, such as the number of women who are widowed each year in the USA. The literary agent replied to that one single statistic with, "And they all want to write a book."

Now, I've spoken with many widows in the last five years and not one of them has mentioned any such desire. They have, however, been very supportive and encouraging about my book. I was angry at first with the agent's reply; I felt devalued and belittled, like she was saying my writing the book was a foolish waste of time and effort. I wanted to tell her what I thought of her answer, but figured that would do very little good in the long run. So, I told her I was sorry to waste her time and that I would try elsewhere. That was my way of telling her that her comments had fallen on deaf ears and I would continue with my plans to publish my book--she simply would not be the one to represent me.

She replied with, "It's not a waste, I respect your grief." Uh huh, not very helpful. So, I've been working on a list of publishers who might be interested in giving my manuscript a read-through, and I will begin sending it out to each one. It may take a while, but I refuse to give up, and eventually I will find someone who recognizes the need for my little book. When that day comes, I will post the good news here and let all you great gals share in my excitement.

Just One Wish

2009-08-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

What would be your one wish? And yes, of course I know what you’d wish for, but we both know that’s not possible. It’s what all widows wish for, in the beginning. In the early days our widowhood, it doesn’t even seem real, but we just want everything back the way it was. We want to wake up and discover it was all just a horrible nightmare. We’ll open our eyes and our husbands will be beside us, warm and alive.

Later on, it’s all too horribly real, but we continue to wish everything back to normal, back to the way it was. Deep down, we know it’s never going to happen, but we keep wishing anyway. Eventually, we come to an acceptance of sorts. Wishing won’t make it so. Then we begin wishing for the pain to go away. No one can live with that much pain for very long.

Finally, we begin to wish for a sense of security, some kind of peace, a purpose for our lives, an end of our confusion. The best wish is for a brand new start. You can stay in the pain and keep wishing for things that can never come true, or you can face the facts that you’re alone, but you can handle it, you will handle it. And you will begin a brand new life. It won’t be the same as your old one, it can’t be. But it can be a good life; it will be what you make it.

Please post and tell me what you are wishing for now.

What If?

2009-04-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

The thought keeps coming to me that the one I'd most like to share all my newfound opportunities with is my husband. Yet if he was here, I wouldn't have these same opportunities. Just before he died, I had all but given up on my own dreams, at least temporarily. I had dedicated all my time and energy to his dreams. In the back of my mind was the hope that he'd realize his goals and then I'd have the time and freedom from financial woes to pursue my own. Given my past experiences, I don't really believe that would ever have happened. My dear husband had trouble focusing on those goals and lost momentum very easily. Every couple of weeks, I'd do the pep talk again and bring him back to the plan. I sure got tired of it. I really didn't know what else I could do and had come to an acceptance of the situation.

For two years prior to that, I had been in a real depression, hating how my life was going, but feeling helpless to change anything and frustrated that my husband wouldn't make the effort to change things and make our lives better.

It's sad that in order to realize my own dreams, I had to completely lose my old life. But sometimes, we have to loosen our grip on the old life in order to grasp the new one. I'd still love to share my accomplishments with the one person who would be truly happy for me. He would have liked nothing better than to see me successful with my writing. However, it took losing him to drop kick me into my own career. I was angry for a long time that he hadn't made provision for me in the event of his death, but maybe the pressure to make a living actually forced me to step outside my comfort zone and make the change, so I'd have the future that didn't involve staying with my kids for the rest of my life.

Being on my own used to terrify me, it was my greatest fear, but I'm so ready now and I'm actually looking forward to it. There are those who still insist on treating me as if I'm an idiot, just because I won't do what they think I should. I've outgrown the box they've had me in for so long; I just don't fit anymore, and they don't like it one little bit. Too bad!

Don't let your situation or other people keep you from achieving what you're capable of achieving. More than ever it's important to be who you are supposed to be and do what you're supposed to do. Now is your time. Make the most of it. Then come back here and tell me how you're doing.

Fifth Anniversary

2009-03-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you I really dreaded this past anniversary of the death of my husband. I told myself it should get easier with each year, but for some reason, I was more emotional and teary just before the date rolled around. I went through the same emotional turmoil on our last wedding anniversary. We would have been married for 40 years last September.

February 23, 2004 was the longest, worst day of my entire life. It was a Monday that seemed to go on and on. I was at the hospital for hours, then on to the funeral home, making decisions when I was barely functioning. Thank heavens for my support team (my daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and niece)! This year, February 23rd was also a Monday and brought images to mind that I could well do without.

So how to handle this day each year? The emotions are there and will be for some time, though as the years go by, I've noticed the pain is less sharp and a bit easier to bear. I've discovered that if I go back over all I've accomplished, learned and experienced in the years since I lost my husband, the good things far outweigh the distress, pain and fear I've been through. Yes, it's hard, the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my whole life and I'll never be okay with losing my life partner. But moving on is so important to my future and well-being and I know my husband would be proud of me.

And what have I done in five years? I've enhanced some existing skills and added many, many new ones, started a copywriting business, built a portfolio, written a book, (which I hope to see published in the near future), seen my daughter married and two more grandchildren arrive, and made many new friends. Viewed in that light, my life is definitely looking up, even if I am alone now. I've learned to appreciate the single state and my own worth. There is life after Widowhood!

Please post and let me know your success stories. Let me know how you're doing and what you're doing to move forward in your new life.

Please Forgive Me

2008-11-10T13:27:00.001-08:00

Please forgive me for not posting in so long. So much to tell, where to begin? First of all, I've learned the hard way that making a living sure gets in the way of making a life. And you can quote me on that one. It feels like all I've done is look for work. That's the bad news. The good news is that I've spent the last year working on my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny, and it's finished at last! Right now, I'm writing a book proposal and looking for a good agent to represent me. I have some leads and as soon as I find that person, I can turn things over to him/her and get on with the business of finding more work and writing my next book. I'm thinking of writing a novel about a widow, who learns to move on with her life, finds her new purpose, maybe even finds love again. The job I'd really love to have right now is writing a column about being a widow, maybe for a magazine.

In the meantime, I'm still here, though silent, and invite any and all widows out there to post, talk to me. And like Frasier use to say on his radio show, I'm listening."

Widows Helping Widows

2007-04-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

She was there in the waiting area of the local Kwik Kar, looking a bit forlorn, when I showed up to get my car inspected. Yes, that's another of those chores we widows have inherited from our husbands.

"Don't you just hate having to deal with this stuff?" I asked her.

That's when I discovered I had found another woman like myself--a widow. As it turned out, her husband had passed away the same year as mine had.

Her eyes grew misty as she told me her story, which was very similar to my own--sudden, unexpected widowhood. And like me, she was confused, lonely and even a little angry. Anger is the hardest emotion to get past, I've discovered.

For an hour we talked together, cried together and then exchanged names and email addresses. I also gave her the link to my favorite forum where Boomer Ladies get together, and where they had recently set up a special forum for widows. For those of you who are interested it is:
http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com Since that day, my new friend and I have had lunch together and spent enjoyable hours getting to know one another.

I hugged her goodbye that day we met, and as I left she told me how much I had helped her, how much she needed to talk to another person who understood what she was going through.

What she didn't know at the time was how much she had helped me too. I felt as if a gigantic weight had been lifted from my shoulders. On the way home, I hummed along to the oldies playing on the radio, and I actually smiled. I absolutely felt more light-hearted than I had since my darling Mel died.

It was simple really; I had touched the life of another person and she in turn had touched mine. I knew that neither of us would ever be the same.

What's Your Status?

2007-02-08T07:46:00.000-08:00

One of the most confusing aspects of widowhood is the question of your marital status. The longer you were married, the harder it is to take in. You still feel married, but you're so obviously alone.

When my husband Mel passed away, our oldest grandson Zachary was not quite three years old, yet he was the one who began asking the hard questions.

One day while I was babysitting, he saw me twisting my wedding ring round my finger and asked, "Mama Faye, are you still married?" Stunned by the question and from one so young, it took me a moment to compose myself enough to answer him. Nevertheless, my answer had to be, "Yes, yes I am!"

In my heart, I still feel married. The very idea of being single is distasteful and may continue to be for some time I'm afraid. I'd worn that wedding ring for thirty-five happily married years. Though it's been three years since I lost my darling Mel, I still wear my ring. Maybe one day I'll put it away.

But I won't hold my breath.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

2006-12-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

That's when it's the hardest to bear-at night. During the day, there are so many distractions, so much going on, and so much to do. We dart from one task to another, keeping the unwanted images and memories at bay with sheer busyness.

However, at night, everything comes rushing back, the memories, the problems, the questions. They perch at the foot of the bed, keeping us from needed rest and destroying our peace of mind.

That's the time we miss our lost loves the most. Their faces were the last sight before we fell asleep; their arms held us tight, their lips kissed ours and reminded us of our place in the universe, our purpose in their lives. We had security, strength and love to hold us up, even in the toughest times. So yes, we are lonesome tonight and we will be every night for a very long time.

Many of us cry ourselves to sleep at night. Crying is therapeutic and helps release the pent-up emotions we've been suppressing all day. Let it out, and then treat yourself to a nice, hot lavender scented-bath to help relax you.

Push away the problems and fears and remember that well-loved face, the smile and the laughter. Hold that in your heart; close your eyes and sleep.

A Feeling of Emptiness

2006-09-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

This feeling of emptiness is perhaps one of the hardest todeal with after losing your husband. It's hard to move forward when your purpose in life seems to have disappeared.

We're suddenly left with this hole in our lives and hearts, a gaping void where love, friendship and passion used to reside. You probably felt you knew your purpose, your place and your destiny in this world. With the death of your husband, all of that vanished. The love, friendship and passion are gone, along with a sense of purpose and knowledge of where you belonged.

You now face what appears to be a very scary and uncertain future. The only solution seems to try to rediscover who we are, where we belong and why we are still here on the planet. I've learned everything happens for a reason; there is no such thing as a coincidence.

So, how do we find out the answers to our questions? I have no idea. I guess this is a dance we must learn as we go. If we reach out for the opportunities as they present themselves, perhaps the answers will become clear one day.

If there is anyone out there who has figured any of this out, please post and help the rest of us with this dilemma. This blog is not just for me to vent my grief; this is for all of us. Grief is easier to bear when shared.

Those of you who are further along this journey, please feel free to share with the rest of us how you're finding your purpose and reinventing yourselves. Let's help each other to grow, learn and move forward.

Have You Lost Your Zest for Life?

2006-08-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

Do you feel as if you've lost your zest for life? It's not really lost, just misplaced temporarily. Sometimes, it peeks out at you at odd moments, and then disappears again, before you can get your fingers around it. If you were normally an ebullient person before this loss, it's especially hard to function some days. It feels like you didn't just lose your husband, but yourself as well. You hardly recognize that woman in the mirror; she's so sad all the time and never seems to smile or laugh anymore.

So, what should we do about regaining our zest for life? Some women feel guilty for giving in to those joyful moments. For Heaven's sake, don't feel guilty about finding a moment now and then that has a little joy in it! God knows we need them every once in a while. Anything that lightens a moment, an hour, or 'oh bliss' a whole day, is a blessing not to be ignored.

Living day in and day out in a constant state of grief is debilitating, stressful and frankly dangerous to your health. See if you can find something at least once a day to feel joyful about. Finding that first happy moment may be hard and may feel strange when you've been wrapped up in day after day of sadness, but it's worth the effort.

The first time I let myself have a calm, happy moment, I could almost sense my husband, Mel smiling at me the way he used to, and a little of the sadness dropped away.

It's the Little Things

2006-08-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you've made it another day, or another week, or another month without falling apart, you come upon some little thing that trips you up. Maybe it's a piece of jewelry your husband wore, or his favorite cologne, or a picture of the two of you from once upon a time.

That's when it hits you anew, all that you've lost. Your husband, lover, best friend, father of your children, grandfather to a new generation. You've lost all those dreams you had together, all those plans for your old age.

For me, it's a bottle of my husband's favorite cologne that he always wore when he dressed up. For some reason, I can't bear to part with it and it sits on my dressing table. Once in a while, I open it up and take a sniff, close my eyes and picture him smiling at me. He knew how much I loved that scent on him. But the silliest small thing I've hung onto is his pillow. For several weeks, it still smelled of him and I just couldn't get rid of it. For weeks, I held onto that pillow and cried. It's been over two years now, but I still can't get rid of it.

So we all must move forward or perish; for our own sakes, for our own peace of mind, we have to move on. I know it's very hard to let go some days. We have to keep in mind what we know they'd want us to do and I know they'd want for us to learn how to be happy again. Maybe someday we will, for now perhaps we should just settle for being content. Maybe one day, those little things won't hold such pain. Maybe one day, they will just be a reminder of happier times and we'll smile again.

Danger & Opportunity

2006-06-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

I learned recently that the Chinese word for "Crisis" contains the two characters meaning 'danger' and 'opportunity.' That means even in the midst of a life crisis, there are the seeds of opportunity, if only we are clever enough and quick enough to grab hold and see where it leads us.

The urge during a crisis is to roll up in a ball, cover our heads and avoid all contact with the hard, painful, scary outside world. We just want it all to go away. However, if we're just a little brave, those seeds of opportunity will land in fertile ground and take root.

You don't have to hide in pain wishing the world away. It doesn't work that way anyhow. The pain and sadness are going to happen, there's no way around it. Out of adversity however, comes a chance to change our lives for the better, and the best way through the pain and sadness is to use that opportunity to your advantage.

Not only does it provide a needed distraction, but it can also help bring about a change profound enough to get you through the crisis itself, and on into your future.

Losing your husband may make you feel as if you've also lost your purpose in life. Everything once centered on him and now that purpose is gone. It may be difficult to know precisely what your purpose is supposed to be in this new life, but it's worth the exploration to discover what it is.

Now is the time to grab onto that opportunity, whatever it may be, hold on for dear life, and see where it takes you!

Trail Blazing

2006-05-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

I found this quote the other day and thought it was relevant to our new lives.

"Rather than following where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail."--Anonymous

This feels like our lives from day one of widowhood. We can't find the path; we're totally lost in the wilderness. Others hold our hands for a few weeks, or if we're lucky, for a few months. But then they wander off, following their own paths, and we're left on our own, finding a brand new path and wondering where it will lead. It's overgrown and frighteningly narrow, only room for one now.

The temptation is to turn back and try to find the others again. We don't want to be alone. But there's no one in sight now and we must continue on this narrow path by ourselves. We have no map, no guidebook and it's scary all alone. We're not the first to do this and we won't be the last. It's time to be courageous, find our own way and blaze a trail for those who follow. Let's not leave our fellow pioneer women alone now. Let's leave a trail, a map, a how-to guide, something that tells them they are not alone. Let's help them find their way.

I'm in the process of writing that guidebook right now, but it's hard going at the moment. Feel free to tell your own story and add to that guidebook. Let's make that trail a little wider and a little easier for them to follow.

So, Now What?

2006-04-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Everyone around you is settling back into their routine, their lives will go on much as it did before. For them, it was a minor road bump. For you, the world is upside down and backwards. And you have to figure things out and start all over; back to square one.

It's a whole new life to live. You didn't choose it, you're not even sure you like it at all, but it's not like you can return it. You're stuck with it. What your life becomes now is totally up to you and the decisions you make.

You have a choice. You can choose to stay in bed, refuse to see people, cry all the time, even refuse to eat. Or you can get up, spruce yourself up a bit, get out and visit with friends, go out to eat and learn to smile again. Believe me, it's not easy to do, but it's essential that you learn to live again.

Ask yourself these questions. What would my husband want for me? Can you honestly think that's the life he would want for you; to be miserably unhappy? Is staying in bed, crying, etc. going to bring him back? Of course it won't.

Going out and learning to live again does not mean you didn't love him with all your heart. On the contrary, it means your life with him was so rich and full, your love for each other so meaningful, that it survives, even now, when he's gone.

In this world of throw away marriages, and a high divorce rate, we were lucky. We had marriages that lasted "until death do us part."

So, what's next for you? What can you do to make your husband proud of you?

The Masks We Wear

2006-04-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

After awhile, it becomes second nature. Someone says, "So, how are you doing?" And we look them right in the eye and say, "I'm okay. I'm fine."

And like they said in the movie, "The Italian Job," we all know what fine means. It stands for:
Frustrated
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

That's how we really feel.

So we say we're doing well, but it's a lie. They believe us because they want to; it's easier than having to deal with our pain all the time.

After a couple of years, no one really wants to hear that we're lonely, hurting and scared. This change in our life doesn't just hurt; sometimes, it's excruciating. So, we put our masks on again and say "we're fine."

If we're fortunate, our days are filled with work, and that's good. But we work like fiends during the day, in the hope that we'll be exhausted enough to sleep at night. The images drift in and out--unwanted and painful.

Time doesn't really heal; there's a gaping wound over our hearts, and everybody thinks they have the Band-Aid that will work.

We think constantly of our lost loves, wondering how our lives would be now if we hadn't lost our lifelines.

Of course, that does no good. Instead, we should learn to live again and make them proud of us. But we must begin to live for ourselves.

What do we do about the masks? Personally, I'm not sure. And I'm not sure if time will eventually help form a scab over the wound. Better stock up on Band-Aids, just in case.

So, how are you doing? And don't say you're fine!

I Miss "Us"

2006-03-04T07:12:00.000-08:00

I notice other couples these days, older couples that have obviously been together for a long time. After decades together, a couples walks in sync, hold hands, laugh at the same jokes, and finish each other's sentences. They can practically read each other's minds. My husband and I were together for thirty-five years, and we experienced all that. Nowadays when I see those couples, I want to remind them to enjoy those moments, cherish them. It can be over in a heartbeat. I remember walking with my husband, holding hands, thinking how much I loved being anywhere with him. We didn't do anything special we just loved being together. I miss that. I miss "Us."

My husband had a side business, which I helped him with, and that was going to provide us the wherewithal to find our dreams, our hopes. There were places we wanted to go, things we wanted to see and activities we wanted to experience. When he passed away so suddenly, I lost it all...the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend, as well as all our hopes and dreams, all our places. Everything was just gone. I mourned it all and I still do.

Three months after his death, I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. It provided me with the necessary distraction and busyness I so desperately needed. I spent months adding to my skills, reading, studying and preparing myself to start my own business, and make my own living. I was at least going to give meaning to my being alone. I wanted to make him proud of me.

Since all this happened, life seems surreal. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Nothing feels familiar, or comforting, and definitely not satisfying yet. I'm moving forward, slowly, but the person I most want to share all this with is no longer here. I miss him. I miss "Us."

When things or people used to upset me, he's the one I went to for comfort. "Tell me it's going to be all right, reassure me." I'd say. I miss that reassurance, I miss the hugs and kisses, the love.

I miss "Us."

Define Normal

2006-02-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

Two months after I lost my husband, I kept thinking that soon I'd regain my natural optimism and ebullience for life. I'd feel that familiar contentment over small things, that enthusiasm for all accomplishments. But things were not normal and I wasn't at all sure I would recognize normal, assuming I ever encountered it again.

What really frightened me was the thought that I would never find me again. I had lost my soul mate and it felt like I'd lost myself too. I certainly didn't know that woman in the mirror-the one with the sad eyes and no smile. The woman who barely put one foot in front of the other, who dragged herself from one day to another, from one event to another. Sometimes I would get flashes of what I used to feel, but they never lasted.

I used to pride myself on embracing change. "Change is good," I used to say to my husband. But this was too much change, too sudden, too awful to handle. I wondered if I would feel differently in six months, or a year. But I worried that I'd never regain that optimism, that feeling that life is good and worth living again.

Depression set in, but life went on around me. There were bills to pay, decisions to make, problems to solve. When would my life be normal again? Define normal. Two years later, it still feels as if I'm living someone else's life, the nightmare continues. Sometimes change hurts, a lot.

There's a "new" normal.

That Was Then, This Is Now

2006-02-07T08:20:00.000-08:00

Becoming a widow means coming around 180 degrees in your thinking, a complete paradigm shift, if you will. Nothing is the same as it was before and it never will be again. As each situation arises, your mind automatically goes back to how you handled that particular problem or event before your life turned upside down. However, that won't work anymore. Your life is not the same and neither are you. It's almost as if the old you passed away with your husband and the new improved you has emerged from a cocoon. You feel fragile, uncertain how you're going to deal with life now, maybe even terrified of being alone. But there's no getting around the fact that things have changed. Refusal on your part to change too will lead to yet more fear and uncertainty.

Keep in mind too that it doesn't happen right away, this acceptance of change and the willingness to go along with it. In the first months, all you can think is, "I can't do this, I can't do this by myself!" Up to that life-shattering event, the two of you always handled everything as a couple, and now suddenly, you have to make decisions on your own, life-changing decisions, and there's nobody to help you with that. Now you're single and have to deal with everything on your own. That's scary!

In the first months, you may find yourself unable to focus on much of anything. Your mind flits away from hard tasks. Unwanted thoughts fill your mind and terrorize your soul. Some days, just getting out of bed is a major accomplishment. There are days that seem so bleak, you wonder if you'll survive the sadness. In my case, my family tried to keep me very busy the first month, spending time with me, taking me to lunch or shopping. It was very difficult to concentrate on things and a part of me just wanted to go back to bed and cry. I really wanted just to be alone, which in hindsight was probably not the best idea. Being with other people forces you to deal with the world around you, forces you to focus. Besides, you can't stay in bed forever.

I discovered that even simple things like paying bills, getting the car serviced, dealing with the phone company were so hard. But there are things that simply must be done. There is no getting around it. You're now totally responsible for everything. There is no more division of labor and responsibility. You now have everything you did before and everything your husband did as well. There are some days this can be absolutely overwhelming. In the first months, doing something as simple as getting the car inspected would send me into a meltdown.

Part of the difficulty for the widow is that she's used to taking care of her husband, in many cases for quite a few years. In my case, it was thirty-five years of looking after my best friend and soul mate. Suddenly, I only have myself to take care of, to look after, to be concerned with. Three and a half decades of putting my husband first left a pretty large gap in my life. Of course, it's three and a half decades of him putting me first that throws me into a meltdown. The person who loved me the most is gone from my life. How do I live the rest of my days without him?

That was then, this is now.

Writer/Widow Starts Blog

2006-01-16T12:33:00.000-08:00

When it comes to writing, everyone says to write what you know; write from your own experiences. And for many years, I did just that, and tried to find the humorous side to everything in my life. Marriage, kids, everyday life, no problem.

I even found the humorous angle to one of my own passions--crochet. I wrote about being a Craft Junkie. I actually wrote several articles, exploring all the angles of Craft Junkie-ism.

I've written about the Internet, video games and couch potatoes, all from personal experience, mind you. Recently, I even wrote an article about car repairs and managed to find, yet again, the funny side, despite the expense.

Lately, however, it's difficult to find any humor in my present circumstances. Because, you see, I'm a widow and Widowhood is not funny, not even a little bit. I've looked carefully at every angle, searching for any clue to humor in the subject, but there's nothing there. I'ts simply not funny. What I have learned is that Life is funny; sometimes even hilarious, rib-tickling, sidesplitting, knee-slapping funny. But Death is not, no way, never going to happen, simple as that.

I don't mean to sound maudlin, it's just that a writer simply must write about everything they experience. I've journaled during this entire period of my life and even that personal writing has been very painful. I tell myself that I need to write about this experience, for myself as well as for others who've suffered a loss, or will in the near future. No one can avoid it forever. As yet, I have not found the courage to sit down and put it into words I can publish. It hurts too damn much. I keep thinking soon, I'll be able to do it. I have to do it. Then the sadness overpowers me and I push the work away, unable yet again to face the pain. It's hard enough to talk about it, let alone write it down for others to read.

It's brought with it a depression I'm finding it difficult to deal with. I have wondered if distance from the actual event, time-wise, will help. I'm in the second year, as I write this, but have found it no easier than during the first year. In the first year of widowhood, you're in pain, but also in shock, so it's like being anesthetized. The shock wears off in the second year, but the pain is still there, as well as the sadness.

There's a little voice inside me that cries, "Stop being such a wuss, and just write it all down, once and for all. Be brave and just do it!" Whether it's God speaking to me, or a really impatient Muse, I don't know. Perhaps it's simply tough love, and I should pay attention to the admonition.

Maybe soon, my need to talk about this thing called Widowhood will overcome the sadness.

If, after reading this article, you feel you would like to read more on the subject, or just want to tell your story, please contact me here and let me know. Perhaps your need to know more or simply share your story will give me courage.