Widowhood Is Not Funny

Monday, January 16, 2006

Writer/Widow Starts Blog

When it comes to writing, everyone says to write what you know; write from your own experiences. And for many years, I did just that, and tried to find the humorous side to everything in my life. Marriage, kids, everyday life, no problem.

I even found the humorous angle to one of my own passions--crochet. I wrote about being a Craft Junkie. I actually wrote several articles, exploring all the angles of Craft Junkie-ism.

I've written about the Internet, video games and couch potatoes, all from personal experience, mind you. Recently, I even wrote an article about car repairs and managed to find, yet again, the funny side, despite the expense.

Lately, however, it's difficult to find any humor in my present circumstances. Because, you see, I'm a widow and Widowhood is not funny, not even a little bit. I've looked carefully at every angle, searching for any clue to humor in the subject, but there's nothing there. I'ts simply not funny. What I have learned is that Life is funny; sometimes even hilarious, rib-tickling, sidesplitting, knee-slapping funny. But Death is not, no way, never going to happen, simple as that.

I don't mean to sound maudlin, it's just that a writer simply must write about everything they experience. I've journaled during this entire period of my life and even that personal writing has been very painful. I tell myself that I need to write about this experience, for myself as well as for others who've suffered a loss, or will in the near future. No one can avoid it forever. As yet, I have not found the courage to sit down and put it into words I can publish. It hurts too damn much. I keep thinking soon, I'll be able to do it. I have to do it. Then the sadness overpowers me and I push the work away, unable yet again to face the pain. It's hard enough to talk about it, let alone write it down for others to read.

It's brought with it a depression I'm finding it difficult to deal with. I have wondered if distance from the actual event, time-wise, will help. I'm in the second year, as I write this, but have found it no easier than during the first year. In the first year of widowhood, you're in pain, but also in shock, so it's like being anesthetized. The shock wears off in the second year, but the pain is still there, as well as the sadness.

There's a little voice inside me that cries, "Stop being such a wuss, and just write it all down, once and for all. Be brave and just do it!" Whether it's God speaking to me, or a really impatient Muse, I don't know. Perhaps it's simply tough love, and I should pay attention to the admonition.

Maybe soon, my need to talk about this thing called Widowhood will overcome the sadness.

If, after reading this article, you feel you would like to read more on the subject, or just want to tell your story, please contact me here and let me know. Perhaps your need to know more or simply share your story will give me courage.

3 Comments:

  • At 11:12 AM, Blogger AlannaK said…

    Misty-I'm so sorry for your loss. But I understand completely what you're saying. The idea of living without my husband the rest of my life is too daunting some days. How am I supposed to do this without him? I have to start a whole new life, by myself. How do I do that? I wish I'd had a chance to speak to him before he was gone, but he was literally with me one moment and gone in a heartbeat. No last words, no I love you, no please move on and have a life. And yes, I put a brave face on too when I'm around friends and family, then I go home and cry in the shower. I'm so lonely without him it's hard to breathe some days.
    Anyway, just know you're not alone out there and my prayers are with you.

     
  • At 8:16 AM, Blogger AlannaK said…

    I fear the future too, but in the financial sense. If I don't move forward with my business and get lots of clients, I won't be able to support myself and I'll have to live with my kids. I'm terrified of growing old and infirm and being shuffled from one to the other, then finally into a nursing home, because no one really wants to deal with me. Financial independence would at least give me the control over what happens to me. As far as love is concerned, I had the love of my life for 35 years, I'm not looking for another relationship. Maybe that will change with time, I don't know. It hasn't been quite two years since I lost my husband, so I can't think about that yet. I know I have to be the one to make the future better for myself, no one else will do it for me. But some days it hurts so much, I don't even want to get out of bed. This can't be all there is.

     
  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger AlannaK said…

    Mary,
    My heart goes out to you and to your neighbor. And yes, different losses hit you differently. I understand your friend's panic concerning her future. It's scary thinking about being on your own the rest of your life, when you've been married a long time especially. Keep in mind too, that everyone grieves in their own way and for as long as they need to. No one can say, "okay it's been a year(or two, or whatever)time to get over it. You don't get over it, but you do have to eventually move forward. It's move forward or perish. After awhile, we do have a tendency to keep our emotions to ourselves, thinking our friends and relations are tired of hearing about our pain. That just makes it harder to bear. My advice would be, if she needs to talk about her husband, just listen and if she needs to cry, be a shoulder for her to cry on. Then encourage her to find something she loves to do. She needs other things to think about besides the pain in her heart.
    You sound like a very nice neighbor to have around. Your friend is lucky to have you.

     

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