Writer/Widow Starts Blog

When it comes to writing, everyone says to write what you know; write from your own experiences. And for many years, I did just that, and tried to find the humorous side to everything in my life. Marriage, kids, everyday life, no problem.

I even found the humorous angle to one of my own passions--crochet. I wrote about being a Craft Junkie. I actually wrote several articles, exploring all the angles of Craft Junkie-ism.

I've written about the Internet, video games and couch potatoes, all from personal experience, mind you. Recently, I even wrote an article about car repairs and managed to find, yet again, the funny side, despite the expense.

Lately, however, it's difficult to find any humor in my present circumstances. Because, you see, I'm a widow and Widowhood is not funny, not even a little bit. I've looked carefully at every angle, searching for any clue to humor in the subject, but there's nothing there. I'ts simply not funny. What I have learned is that Life is funny; sometimes even hilarious, rib-tickling, sidesplitting, knee-slapping funny. But Death is not, no way, never going to happen, simple as that.

I don't mean to sound maudlin, it's just that a writer simply must write about everything they experience. I've journaled during this entire period of my life and even that personal writing has been very painful. I tell myself that I need to write about this experience, for myself as well as for others who've suffered a loss, or will in the near future. No one can avoid it forever. As yet, I have not found the courage to sit down and put it into words I can publish. It hurts too damn much. I keep thinking soon, I'll be able to do it. I have to do it. Then the sadness overpowers me and I push the work away, unable yet again to face the pain. It's hard enough to talk about it, let alone write it down for others to read.

It's brought with it a depression I'm finding it difficult to deal with. I have wondered if distance from the actual event, time-wise, will help. I'm in the second year, as I write this, but have found it no easier than during the first year. In the first year of widowhood, you're in pain, but also in shock, so it's like being anesthetized. The shock wears off in the second year, but the pain is still there, as well as the sadness.

There's a little voice inside me that cries, "Stop being such a wuss, and just write it all down, once and for all. Be brave and just do it!" Whether it's God speaking to me, or a really impatient Muse, I don't know. Perhaps it's simply tough love, and I should pay attention to the admonition.

Maybe soon, my need to talk about this thing called Widowhood will overcome the sadness.

If, after reading this article, you feel you would like to read more on the subject, or just want to tell your story, please contact me here and let me know. Perhaps your need to know more or simply share your story will give me courage.