Widowhood Is Not Funny

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mel & I celebrated our first Valentine’s Day together in February of 1968 & got engaged on February 29, 1968-Leap Day.

We had thirty-five years of Happy Valentine’s Days, but I still fondly remember that first one, we celebrated together as a couple. We were so happy! We knew right away that we loved each other.

Unfortunately, I also lost Mel in February-February 23, 2004, to be exact. I miss him a lot, especially on certain days, like Valentine’s Day, Leap Day, his birthday, & our wedding anniversary, all those personal, special days that were important to us.

February is tough to get through each year, but I choose to remember that happy February, when we met, fell in love & got engaged. I choose to remember that, in a world where half the marriages end in divorce, mine was happy & successful. It was truly a case of until death us do part.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mel! I love you!

Labels: acceptance, Alanna Parke Kvale, being alone, holidays alone, new beginnings, widowhood is not funny

New Year, New Start!

The New Year has always felt, to me, like a fresh start, a clean slate, a new opportunity. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned since I lost my husband and found myself alone, it’s to never ignore an opportunity. You never know where it might lead you or who you might meet. I firmly believe that we’re all here for a purpose and there’s a reason that people come into our lives. Either we’re supposed to help them or they’re supposed to help us. Sometimes, we help each other. They may not always stay, but they definitely show up for a reason, and it’s our job to figure it out and do what we can.

I know from experience that a new widow is lost when it comes to purpose. She’s lost her original purpose in life and it’s absolutely essential that she find a new one and pronto. Without purpose, she will wander in circles, drifting lost and without hope. We all need a reason to be here, a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to leave the house. Without purpose, we’d hide under the covers and become recluses.

While I understand the need for solitary reflection after losing one’s spouse, I urge you to get through your grief, then get out there and start looking for your new purpose. Open your heart and mind to new possibilities and opportunities. The sooner you do, the sooner you will find joy and happiness again, the sooner you will start to live again.

Remember, your husband would want you to live a full and happy life, so get out there and look for it! And please, I’m here listening and hoping for the very best for you in this new year. I hope you’ll post here and let me know how you’re doing. You can also contact me at widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Labels: acceptance, Alanna Parke Kvale, being alone, new beginnings, widow's guidebook, widowhood is not funny

Holiday Heartaches

Being a widow is difficult, especially in the beginning. It’s a 24/7 painful reality. Then you add the holidays. Everything you do, everywhere you go, the memories are there, of better times, familiar times, & happy times. And it hurts, a lot.

For me, Christmas was always my favorite holiday. I spent weeks baking, decorating, crocheting gifts & wrapping. It was a very happy time of the year for me. Until Christmas of 2004, that is. That was the first Christmas holiday without Mel & I was devastated. There was a giant hole in my heart & even Christmas couldn’t fill it.

My daughter, bless her heart, tried to keep up some of the traditions, in an attempt to cheer me up, but it was too soon & I just didn’t have the energy or the heart for it.

It’s been almost eight years since I lost Mel & it’s better now, the pain is less intense, but Christmas is still very difficult. I miss him so much, especially at this time of year.

In Chapter 5 of my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny, I share just how hard my first year of holidays was without my husband. While you never forget past holidays & why would you want to, they do become a bit easier as the years go by. You still miss your husband, but you learn year by year how to deal with the holidays on your own. You’ll make new memories & smile as remember your husband with love.

Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available for all e-readers. Give yourself a gift this holiday season-pick up a copy of my book, then leave me a post & let me know how you’re doing, or contact me at: widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Labels: being alone, grief, loss, new beginnings, new book, support, widow's guidebook, widowhood, widowhoodisnotfunny

What Do I Do With My Heart?

It occurred to me as I listened to this song by the Eagles, that this is also the plight of the widow.

We can learn new skills, try new experiences and rediscover talents left lying dormant, sometimes for years. We can even start brand new lives, with admonitions to ourselves to not live in the past, at least not too much.

But the question still remains—what do we do with our hearts? When we said “I do” at our wedding, we gave our hearts to the men we loved. Now, those men are no longer with us. So, what do we do with our hearts?

Some of us may find love again and give our hearts to someone new. To those of you who do, I wish you much happiness.

If you’re like me, you didn’t give your heart lightly, but you gave it forever. The vows say, “Til death do us part.” But I love him still and I always will. My heart is his and always will be.

Labels: grief, loss, new beginnings, widowhood, widowhood is not funny, widows