Happy Anniversary!

It’s another anniversary, another one spent alone without Mel. This would have been our 49^th wedding anniversary. We once promised that we’d grow old together. We had 35 happy years together and while I’m grateful for what we did have, it wasn’t enough. Sometimes, I still feel angry that he’s not here with me, but mostly I feel sad.

Intellectually, I know I just need to keep on moving forward, making a life for myself, but emotionally, it still hurts. It’s less sharp these days, but there are still moments that’s it’s difficult to breathe. And as days like this approach, days we used to celebrate together, the tears come more easily and frequently.

I look at photos of our special day, remembering how young and happy we were. Everyone we cared about was there that day, even my paternal grandmother and great-grandmother flew all the way from California to be there with me.

So, I’ll do what I always do. I’ll look at the photos, smile, remember and cry, then put them away and get back to rebuilding my life. I’ll find work I love to do, ways to be useful and learn to laugh again and enjoy my life.

Happy 49^th anniversary, Mel! I love you and miss you!