Widowhood Is Not Funny

Monday, October 11, 2010

Resignation or Acceptance?

In the beginning, as a widow, all you can manage is a form of resignation. You understand nothing will be the same in your life ever again. You've lost everything and you can do nothing about it, except survive and try to start over. You feel hopeless and helpless to change anything in your life at this moment in time. One breath at a time and one foot in front of the other is the best you can manage right now.

Resignation makes you feel that it's all over and there's nothing to be done. Resignation brings with it depression, since you know in your heart that you'll never get your old life back. At this point, all you can focus on is the loss you've experienced. You didn't just lose your husband, you lost your hopes, dreams, goals and your future. Resignation feels like the end of the line. Depression causes you to stay in bed, sleeping too much, because it requires too much energy to get up and face life and people again. You can't find a good reason to get out of bed. You've lost your purpose in life, along with your husband and you can't even begin to see a new future for yourself.

Acceptance however, makes you feel that it's only the end of things as they once were, not the end of things that can be. When you come to acceptance of what's happened to you, you can then allow yourself to actually feel hopeful about your future. You can find peace and some measure of comfort. You've made it through this agony and survived, and you're actually considering what you want to do now, how you want to start over. The depression has lifted and you've begun to think about what you want to do with your life. The fear recedes and you realize you can do things to change your life for the better; you find your purpose, your reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

You'll know when ou've reached true acceptance and that's when your new life really begins.

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