Friendship

February 23, 2016 marked twelve years without my wonderful husband, Mel. While the pain grows less sharp with each passing year, it does not go away entirely. There are still nights of tears & sadness.

What makes life easier & more bearable having to be without Mel are the many friends I’ve made in the last twelve years, close friends who have proven to be a safety net, a wonderful distraction, a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. They care about me & have been more help than they will ever know. They’re thoughtful, compassionate, generous people & I know I could not have made it this far without their sincere friendship.

These lovely people keep me focused on what’s important, help me along this new path with grace & generosity & encourage me when I’m down.

So, while I might be without my loving husband, I am most certainly not alone & I thank God for the wonderful people He has sent that I call friends. You know who you are!

Goodreads Giveaway!

Sign up today to win a copy of Widowhood Is Not Funny through the Goodreads Giveaway! The contest starts tonight at midnight & runs through midnight on June 18th.
Good Luck!

 
 

    Goodreads Book Giveaway
 

   

       
   

   

     

          Widowhood is Not Funny
     
     

          by Alanna Parke Kvale
     

     

         
            Giveaway ends June 18, 2015.
         
         
            See the giveaway details
            at Goodreads.
         
     
   
   

      Enter to Win

Pleased & Proud to Announce!

I'm pleased & proud to announce that my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available in paperback!

Follow this link to get your copy today!
http://alannaparkekvale.weebly.com/widowhood-is-not-funny.html

Remind Me Who I Am

I noticed when I became a widow that I seemed to lose myself for a while. I honestly wasn’t sure who I was anymore. The word widow left a bad taste in my mouth. The whole situation didn’t even feel real; it was like sleepwalking through the world. I’d look at my reflection in the mirror and not even recognize the woman I saw there.

I’d been so sure of who and what I was before my husband died. I knew where I belonged and what I was here for. Suddenly, I didn’t know anything. Why was I still here? What was I supposed to do now? Where did I go from here? The future looked like a giant black hole.

Part of the confusion in a widow’s mind is simply part of going through the grief on this journey. But part of it is simply not being able to picture oneself without the beloved spouse. The world is upside down and totally backwards and nothing makes any sense.

For me, because it all happened so suddenly, there was no time to figure out what would come next; there was no time to plan my next move. Reality slammed me against the wall and it was weeks before I could think clearly

It was months before I had any kind of plan at all. And frankly, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a crap shoot at best. We have to just keep plugging along, finding our way, step by step.

So give yourself time, don’t despair of finding your true self again. It will happen, never fear. And for Heaven’s sake, give yourself permission to be happy again.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out and help someone else. Then you’ll remember who you are.

As always, I’m here and I’m listening. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Please post and let me know.

Holiday Heartaches

Being a widow is difficult, especially in the beginning. It’s a 24/7 painful reality. Then you add the holidays. Everything you do, everywhere you go, the memories are there, of better times, familiar times, & happy times. And it hurts, a lot.

For me, Christmas was always my favorite holiday. I spent weeks baking, decorating, crocheting gifts & wrapping. It was a very happy time of the year for me. Until Christmas of 2004, that is. That was the first Christmas holiday without Mel & I was devastated. There was a giant hole in my heart & even Christmas couldn’t fill it.

My daughter, bless her heart, tried to keep up some of the traditions, in an attempt to cheer me up, but it was too soon & I just didn’t have the energy or the heart for it.

It’s been almost eight years since I lost Mel & it’s better now, the pain is less intense, but Christmas is still very difficult. I miss him so much, especially at this time of year.

In Chapter 5 of my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny, I share just how hard my first year of holidays was without my husband. While you never forget past holidays & why would you want to, they do become a bit easier as the years go by. You still miss your husband, but you learn year by year how to deal with the holidays on your own. You’ll make new memories & smile as remember your husband with love.

Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available for all e-readers. Give yourself a gift this holiday season-pick up a copy of my book, then leave me a post & let me know how you’re doing, or contact me at: widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

What Do I Do With My Heart?

It occurred to me as I listened to this song by the Eagles, that this is also the plight of the widow.

We can learn new skills, try new experiences and rediscover talents left lying dormant, sometimes for years. We can even start brand new lives, with admonitions to ourselves to not live in the past, at least not too much.

But the question still remains—what do we do with our hearts? When we said “I do” at our wedding, we gave our hearts to the men we loved. Now, those men are no longer with us. So, what do we do with our hearts?

Some of us may find love again and give our hearts to someone new. To those of you who do, I wish you much happiness.

If you’re like me, you didn’t give your heart lightly, but you gave it forever. The vows say, “Til death do us part.” But I love him still and I always will. My heart is his and always will be.

The Best Is Yet to Come!

What happens when you wake up one morning and your loss is not the first thing on your mind? What if you catch yourself smiling just before you drift off to sleep? What if you get the old question, “How are you?” from a friend, and you reply, “I’m great!” and you realize it’s true?

Maybe you didn’t notice the change at first, you’ve been busy and distracted from your grief. You look in the mirror and that sad, depressed woman is gone. In her place is a smiling, happy woman.

You’ve made it! The journey isn’t over of course, but it’s gone from a forced march to first class. Sadness isn’t your constant companion anymore. You don’t cry yourself to sleep every night. Every day, in every way, you’re getting better and better. You’re feeling more confident, more sure of yourself, more at ease in this new life. You’ve been through hell and come out the other side. You’re a stronger, happier woman and it shows. You find yourself approaching life with a new attitude.

And you remember your husband and your life together, with fondness and love. The pain has diminished as it’s supposed to. You’ve moved on as you were intended.

Life is good!

What, Me Worry?

My mother used to call me a “worry wart.” I worried about everything. If worrying was ever made an Olympic sport, I was gold medal material. Worrying about things doesn’t change the outcome, but it can give you ulcers, if you don’t learn to curb the impulse. If you’re worried about relationships, it won’t help you get along with people. If you’re worried about money, it won’t bring in a single dollar.

According to Dallas businessman, Fred Smith, “the average worrier is 92% inefficient, since only 8% of what we worry about ever comes true. Many years ago, I began to worry about what would happen to me if I lost my husband. Of all the things that concerned me, that turned out to be the 8% I was right about. Go figure.

Mr. Smith also says, “we should wait to worry.” Since it won’t change things and can only make us sick, why worry until we absolutely have to? Worrying only builds things up in our minds, making them seem worse than they really are.

I won’t say I’ll ever be a champion non-worrier, but I’m getting better. Keep in mind what Charles Spurgeon said. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength.”

Hang on to your strength and let the worry drift away.