Friendship

February 23, 2016 marked twelve years without my wonderful husband, Mel. While the pain grows less sharp with each passing year, it does not go away entirely. There are still nights of tears & sadness.

What makes life easier & more bearable having to be without Mel are the many friends I’ve made in the last twelve years, close friends who have proven to be a safety net, a wonderful distraction, a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. They care about me & have been more help than they will ever know. They’re thoughtful, compassionate, generous people & I know I could not have made it this far without their sincere friendship.

These lovely people keep me focused on what’s important, help me along this new path with grace & generosity & encourage me when I’m down.

So, while I might be without my loving husband, I am most certainly not alone & I thank God for the wonderful people He has sent that I call friends. You know who you are!

Happy Anniversary to Me

Today would have been our 47^th wedding anniversary. Twelve years I’ve been marking this day alone, remembering how young we were, how much in love we were. It was a lovely day with friends and family and a beautiful wedding celebration. We were so happy! I love looking at our wedding album each year at this time.

Mel and I were very fortunate to have a happy marriage, to have found such love and respect and friendship. It’s not easy to find or keep, but we did it. And we had it for thirty-five years.

I find I miss the little things we had, day to day things. I miss the sound of his voice when he laughed and the way his eyes crinkled up. I miss holding hands with him. I miss his hugs and the soft kisses we shared. I miss hearing “I love you” every day.

And now, I’ve moved on and found a new life with a new purpose. Life is good, if sometimes a bit lonely.

Someday, I’ll hear him laugh again, hold hands and share kisses with him again and hear “I love you” again. Until then, I’ll remember fondly all the good times, the love and respect, and I'll count my blessings.

And for the other widows out there---

As always, I’m here if you need to talk, I understand what you’re going through.

My book “Widowhood Is Not Funny” is available everywhere you buy ebooks and the paperback version is only available on my website---

http://alannaparkekvale.weebly.com/widowhood-is-not-funny.html

You can email me at---

widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Look for my book page on Facebook---

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Widowhood-Is-Not-Funny-by-Alanna-Parke-Kvale/114289998595598?ref=bookmarks

Pleased & Proud to Announce!

I'm pleased & proud to announce that my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available in paperback!

Follow this link to get your copy today!
http://alannaparkekvale.weebly.com/widowhood-is-not-funny.html

What a Difference a Decade Makes!

It’s been ten years since I lost my husband, Mel, to a sudden heart attack. Sometimes, it feels like a lifetime ago and sometimes, it seems it just happened yesterday. I still love and miss him as much as ever.

For those of you who are on this same journey, I can assure you that while you will continue to miss your loved one, the pain is less sharp. You’ll cry a little less and smile a little more when you think of them. There will still be those moments of sadness, those reminders of what you’ve lost and the realization that you must face things alone.

When those moments do come around, try and remember what you’ve accomplished so far; take stock of your life, see how far you’ve come on this journey, see how you’ve grown as an individual.

For myself, I’ve come to actually appreciate the single life; it works for me. I’ve gone from total dependence on another person to self-reliance. I’ve learned that you don’t realize how strong you are until you have no choice. I’ve learned to make decisions without consulting another person.

My aim in the last ten years was to make Mel proud of me, of what I’ve accomplished and at the risk of sounding immodest, I think I’ve done it. I’ve taken my pain and put it in a book, in the hope of helping others on this journey. You can find Widowhood Is Not Funny everywhere you buy ebooks.

I’ve also used my writing skills in many different places, such as articles, blog posts and business writing. And I have another couple of books almost ready for publication, which I’m very excited about.

As much as we might miss our lost loved ones, it’s important to create a purpose-driven life we can be proud of and which do them proud as well.

 Remember—It’s not the end, it’s a new beginning!

As always, I invite you to post here on my blog and let me know how you’re doing and where your new life has taken you.

A Tender Sadness

Vemod-(n) a tender sadness or pensive melancholy; the calm feeling that something emotionally significant is over and never will be back.

I think this is what comes after acceptance. You still think about your husband, but instead of the sharp pain that used to accompany thoughts of your loss, now it’s the tender sadness. You understand now that things will never be the same as they once were and you’ve ceased to rail against that knowledge. You’ve stopped beating your head against that particular brick wall and accepted that things are what they are. Your life is different.

I’ve discovered the trick to acceptance is not to simply give up, but to embrace the difference. Once you stop fighting the inevitable and embrace your new life, you not only reach acceptance, but you find that calm feeling. You look back and find the tender memories, the happy times and you will smile again. I’m not telling you you’ll never cry, believe me you will cry—a lot. But then, you’ll dry your eyes and realize that emotionally significant moment is indeed over and never will be back and you’ll be able to move forward.

I think about Mel every day and I know one day I’ll see him again. I want him to hug me and tell me I did good on my own.

Remind Me Who I Am

I noticed when I became a widow that I seemed to lose myself for a while. I honestly wasn’t sure who I was anymore. The word widow left a bad taste in my mouth. The whole situation didn’t even feel real; it was like sleepwalking through the world. I’d look at my reflection in the mirror and not even recognize the woman I saw there.

I’d been so sure of who and what I was before my husband died. I knew where I belonged and what I was here for. Suddenly, I didn’t know anything. Why was I still here? What was I supposed to do now? Where did I go from here? The future looked like a giant black hole.

Part of the confusion in a widow’s mind is simply part of going through the grief on this journey. But part of it is simply not being able to picture oneself without the beloved spouse. The world is upside down and totally backwards and nothing makes any sense.

For me, because it all happened so suddenly, there was no time to figure out what would come next; there was no time to plan my next move. Reality slammed me against the wall and it was weeks before I could think clearly

It was months before I had any kind of plan at all. And frankly, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a crap shoot at best. We have to just keep plugging along, finding our way, step by step.

So give yourself time, don’t despair of finding your true self again. It will happen, never fear. And for Heaven’s sake, give yourself permission to be happy again.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out and help someone else. Then you’ll remember who you are.

As always, I’m here and I’m listening. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Please post and let me know.

Lucky

Lucky-not a word we widows usually use to describe ourselves. Losing your husband makes you feel like a loser, a victim, definitely not lucky.

But how about looking at it this way—We were very lucky to have had the years we had with our husbands. We were so lucky to have their love & their devotion. We were lucky to have families with them. We were lucky to have happy, loving relationships with such good men. We were lucky to wake up each day knowing we were loved & cherished. There are a lot of women who are not so lucky.

Let’s remember what we had instead of what we lost. Let’s remember just how amazingly lucky we were.

Who says there is no such thing as being lucky in love?

 
Leave me a post & tell me how lucky you were, how lucky you are to have such wonderful memories

Another Year-A Few More Tears

As of today-February 23^rd, it’s been nine years since my husband, Mel, died suddenly of a heart attack. A lot has happened & I’ve learned some very valuable lessons along the way.

I’ve learned how creative I am & I think always was, I just didn’t have the right outlet. I’ve learned how strong I am to do what I’ve had to do. I’ve learned how independent I am & I’m liking that part more & more each day. And I’ve learned much more about myself as a person, as a woman & as a creative soul.

I’ve grown to understand myself & my needs & that I am sufficient unto myself. I don’t need anyone else to complete me. This has been a revelation since I married young, was married a long time & I was never on my own until now.

During this nine years alone, I’ve written a book, moved into my own place, found writing work online on my own, found a way to give back in my community & made lots of wonderful new friends, both online & off. Most importantly, I’ve learned that being alone does not mean being lonely.

So, my advice to other widows out there is to not think of these years since our spouse’s passing as just long, lonely or sad. Think of them as opportunities to increase our knowledge, to make a difference in our world & learn to be our own best friends.

As always, I’m here if you want to talk. Leave me a post or email me at:

widow_to_widow@yahoo.com and let me know how you’re doing.

I hope you'll take a look at my book- Widowhood Is Not Funny.

http://www.amazon.com/author/alannaparkekvale

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/widowhood-is-not-funny-alanna-kvale/1113675235?ean=9781617922732

Don't forget to request my new book- A Widow's Walk -free when you purchase a copy of Widowhood Is Not Funny.