Widowhood Is Not Funny

Monday, June 10, 2013

Remind Me Who I Am

I noticed when I became a widow that I seemed to lose myself for a while. I honestly wasn’t sure who I was anymore. The word widow left a bad taste in my mouth. The whole situation didn’t even feel real; it was like sleepwalking through the world. I’d look at my reflection in the mirror and not even recognize the woman I saw there.

I’d been so sure of who and what I was before my husband died. I knew where I belonged and what I was here for. Suddenly, I didn’t know anything. Why was I still here? What was I supposed to do now? Where did I go from here? The future looked like a giant black hole.

Part of the confusion in a widow’s mind is simply part of going through the grief on this journey. But part of it is simply not being able to picture oneself without the beloved spouse. The world is upside down and totally backwards and nothing makes any sense.

For me, because it all happened so suddenly, there was no time to figure out what would come next; there was no time to plan my next move. Reality slammed me against the wall and it was weeks before I could think clearly

It was months before I had any kind of plan at all. And frankly, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a crap shoot at best. We have to just keep plugging along, finding our way, step by step.

So give yourself time, don’t despair of finding your true self again. It will happen, never fear. And for Heaven’s sake, give yourself permission to be happy again.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out and help someone else. Then you’ll remember who you are.

As always, I’m here and I’m listening. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Please post and let me know.

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