Widowhood Is Not Funny

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

A Tender Sadness

Vemod-(n) a tender sadness or pensive melancholy; the calm feeling that something emotionally significant is over and never will be back.

I think this is what comes after acceptance. You still think about your husband, but instead of the sharp pain that used to accompany thoughts of your loss, now it’s the tender sadness. You understand now that things will never be the same as they once were and you’ve ceased to rail against that knowledge. You’ve stopped beating your head against that particular brick wall and accepted that things are what they are. Your life is different.
I’ve discovered the trick to acceptance is not to simply give up, but to embrace the difference. Once you stop fighting the inevitable and embrace your new life, you not only reach acceptance, but you find that calm feeling. You look back and find the tender memories, the happy times and you will smile again. I’m not telling you you’ll never cry, believe me you will cry—a lot. But then, you’ll dry your eyes and realize that emotionally significant moment is indeed over and never will be back and you’ll be able to move forward.
I think about Mel every day and I know one day I’ll see him again. I want him to hug me and tell me I did good on my own.

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