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          Widowhood is Not Funny
     
     

          by Alanna Parke Kvale
     

     

         
            Giveaway ends June 18, 2015.
         
         
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Remind Me Who I Am

I noticed when I became a widow that I seemed to lose myself for a while. I honestly wasn’t sure who I was anymore. The word widow left a bad taste in my mouth. The whole situation didn’t even feel real; it was like sleepwalking through the world. I’d look at my reflection in the mirror and not even recognize the woman I saw there.

I’d been so sure of who and what I was before my husband died. I knew where I belonged and what I was here for. Suddenly, I didn’t know anything. Why was I still here? What was I supposed to do now? Where did I go from here? The future looked like a giant black hole.

Part of the confusion in a widow’s mind is simply part of going through the grief on this journey. But part of it is simply not being able to picture oneself without the beloved spouse. The world is upside down and totally backwards and nothing makes any sense.

For me, because it all happened so suddenly, there was no time to figure out what would come next; there was no time to plan my next move. Reality slammed me against the wall and it was weeks before I could think clearly

It was months before I had any kind of plan at all. And frankly, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a crap shoot at best. We have to just keep plugging along, finding our way, step by step.

So give yourself time, don’t despair of finding your true self again. It will happen, never fear. And for Heaven’s sake, give yourself permission to be happy again.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out and help someone else. Then you’ll remember who you are.

As always, I’m here and I’m listening. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Please post and let me know.

Time On Your Hands & Memories On Your Mind

Even after you’ve reached acceptance in this journey of grief, there are still some roadblocks to recovery.

No matter your age, your career, your family life or your financial status, you could find yourself asking the same question all widows ask—What do I do now?

Without a husband to care for on a day-to-day basis, you may find you have an awful lot of time on your hands. And you know that sitting alone day after day is certainly not good for you. The best way to keep from sliding back into depression is to get busy & that busyness varies with each widow.

Even if you have a day job, there are still the nights to deal with, as every widow is painfully aware of. For those who are retired, there’s even more time on one’s hands. And the memories are always there reminding us of what we’ve lost. The love is still in your heart, waiting, but waiting for what?

It’s been said that the best way to feel better is to help others & that’s so right. If you’re thinking of others & their needs, you’re not thinking of yourself & your own problems.

The world is full of those in need & it’s not always necessarily about financial need. There are people who are in desperate need of emotional support. Some just need someone to listen to them, hold their hand or cry with them.

There are children who need guidance, babies who need to be held & rocked, or other widows who just want to be reassured that there is a point to their lives & they’re not all alone on this journey.

Since I lost my husband, I’ve met many other widows & widowers who ask the same questions—What do I do now? Where do I go from here? What will I do with my life?

So put all that Time on your hands to good use. Let those Memories on your mind warm you, & let that Love in your heart expand to others in need.

I hope you’ll post here on my blog & let me know how you’re feeling, tell me what you’re doing to fill that time on your hands.

You can also email me privately at:

widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Why Am I So Angry?

Feeling anger at this time is very confusing. After all, you loved your husband with all your heart, but every day you cry and demand to know why he left you all alone. I was angry that my husband didn’t take better care of himself. Didn’t he know I couldn’t handle things alone? What, in our history together would lead him to believe that I could live without him?
Being angry at your husband also makes you feel guilty, after all it wasn’t his fault that he died and left you all alone. I feel certain that it wasn’t my husband’s plan, it just happened. So why was I so angry?
Believe it or not, anger is a part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean you loved your husband any less or that you won’t continue to love him the rest of your life. But it’s perfectly normal to be angry that you’re alone when you don’t want to be. Part of the anger you’re feeling is tied to your fear of being without him. After a time, you will be able to forgive your loved one for leaving you and your anger will fade. When you begin to feel more capable of handling what life throws at you, you’ll find the anger disappearing. Eventually, we all come round to acceptance.
In the meantime, just know that it’s part of the five stages of grief, it’s normal, so don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s all part of this journey. Pat yourself on the back for making it this far and know that everything that happens to you in life makes you the strong, capable woman you are becoming. Your husband would be proud of that woman.