A Tender Sadness

Vemod-(n) a tender sadness or pensive melancholy; the calm feeling that something emotionally significant is over and never will be back.

I think this is what comes after acceptance. You still think about your husband, but instead of the sharp pain that used to accompany thoughts of your loss, now it’s the tender sadness. You understand now that things will never be the same as they once were and you’ve ceased to rail against that knowledge. You’ve stopped beating your head against that particular brick wall and accepted that things are what they are. Your life is different.

I’ve discovered the trick to acceptance is not to simply give up, but to embrace the difference. Once you stop fighting the inevitable and embrace your new life, you not only reach acceptance, but you find that calm feeling. You look back and find the tender memories, the happy times and you will smile again. I’m not telling you you’ll never cry, believe me you will cry—a lot. But then, you’ll dry your eyes and realize that emotionally significant moment is indeed over and never will be back and you’ll be able to move forward.

I think about Mel every day and I know one day I’ll see him again. I want him to hug me and tell me I did good on my own.

Merry Christmas!

I’m sitting here on my birthday, with Christmas just a few days away & thinking how different my life is now, without Mel.

I still enjoy the holidays & count myself lucky to be having birthdays, but I can’t help remembering previous, happy times. Mel & I enjoyed celebrating with family. I used to bake until the cookies & cakes were piled high & I crocheted gifts until my hands ached. For me, that was Christmas; that was how I celebrated.

Being on my own means not so many to bake for, which is probably for the best, as I was eating those cookies & cakes too & I can do without that. Everyone I know has as many crocheted items as they can deal with, so I’ve spent this past year crocheting blankets for kids, through Project Linus. I think Mel would approve of my efforts this past year.

While I still miss Mel, as I probably always will, I’m happy with my life, despite the changes. So, I guess I’ve finally reached acceptance. I sincerely hope you all find the joy in the season, despite the changes in your lives.

Have a Merry Christmas everybody!!

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Mel & I celebrated our first Valentine’s Day together in February of 1968 & got engaged on February 29, 1968-Leap Day.

We had thirty-five years of Happy Valentine’s Days, but I still fondly remember that first one, we celebrated together as a couple. We were so happy! We knew right away that we loved each other.

Unfortunately, I also lost Mel in February-February 23, 2004, to be exact. I miss him a lot, especially on certain days, like Valentine’s Day, Leap Day, his birthday, & our wedding anniversary, all those personal, special days that were important to us.

February is tough to get through each year, but I choose to remember that happy February, when we met, fell in love & got engaged. I choose to remember that, in a world where half the marriages end in divorce, mine was happy & successful. It was truly a case of until death us do part.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mel! I love you!