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          Widowhood is Not Funny
     
     

          by Alanna Parke Kvale
     

     

         
            Giveaway ends June 18, 2015.
         
         
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Pleased & Proud to Announce!

I'm pleased & proud to announce that my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available in paperback!

Follow this link to get your copy today!
http://alannaparkekvale.weebly.com/widowhood-is-not-funny.html

I"m Thankful for the Tears

If there’s one thing I know about, it’s tears. A widow has an intimate knowledge of tears; we’ve wept copious amounts of tears. We cry a lot in the beginning, so much it’s a wonder we’re not in a constant state of dehydration.

We cry at the drop of a hat, in fact, anything can set us off and have us weeping. A song we enjoyed with our husbands, the scent of his cologne, a piece of jewelry he wore that we kept. It doesn’t take much and we’re off and running again. A love story can have us in a complete meltdown in seconds.

Years later, I still cry sometimes, but what I’ve learned is the therapeutic effect of those tears. They help the spirit to heal. When the pain grows too great, tears help reduce the tension and lessen that pain.

But, I am thankful for the tears, because it means I’ve lived and loved and yes, unfortunately, I’ve lost people dear to me, especially my husband. I thought we’d have longer with each other. Still, I’m grateful for the time we had and I wouldn’t change that. We were happy together and that’s more than some people have.

Be thankful for your tears and smile at your memories. Don’t cry because he’s gone, smile because he was in your life even for just awhile.

Dry your eyes and grab a copy of my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny, available online everywhere, as an e-book.

And as always, I'm here, I'm listening & I'd love to hear from you!

Lucky

Lucky-not a word we widows usually use to describe ourselves. Losing your husband makes you feel like a loser, a victim, definitely not lucky.

But how about looking at it this way—We were very lucky to have had the years we had with our husbands. We were so lucky to have their love & their devotion. We were lucky to have families with them. We were lucky to have happy, loving relationships with such good men. We were lucky to wake up each day knowing we were loved & cherished. There are a lot of women who are not so lucky.

Let’s remember what we had instead of what we lost. Let’s remember just how amazingly lucky we were.

Who says there is no such thing as being lucky in love?

 
Leave me a post & tell me how lucky you were, how lucky you are to have such wonderful memories

Another Year-A Few More Tears

As of today-February 23^rd, it’s been nine years since my husband, Mel, died suddenly of a heart attack. A lot has happened & I’ve learned some very valuable lessons along the way.

I’ve learned how creative I am & I think always was, I just didn’t have the right outlet. I’ve learned how strong I am to do what I’ve had to do. I’ve learned how independent I am & I’m liking that part more & more each day. And I’ve learned much more about myself as a person, as a woman & as a creative soul.

I’ve grown to understand myself & my needs & that I am sufficient unto myself. I don’t need anyone else to complete me. This has been a revelation since I married young, was married a long time & I was never on my own until now.

During this nine years alone, I’ve written a book, moved into my own place, found writing work online on my own, found a way to give back in my community & made lots of wonderful new friends, both online & off. Most importantly, I’ve learned that being alone does not mean being lonely.

So, my advice to other widows out there is to not think of these years since our spouse’s passing as just long, lonely or sad. Think of them as opportunities to increase our knowledge, to make a difference in our world & learn to be our own best friends.

As always, I’m here if you want to talk. Leave me a post or email me at:

widow_to_widow@yahoo.com and let me know how you’re doing.

I hope you'll take a look at my book- Widowhood Is Not Funny.

http://www.amazon.com/author/alannaparkekvale

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/widowhood-is-not-funny-alanna-kvale/1113675235?ean=9781617922732

Don't forget to request my new book- A Widow's Walk -free when you purchase a copy of Widowhood Is Not Funny.

 

Merry Christmas!

I’m sitting here on my birthday, with Christmas just a few days away & thinking how different my life is now, without Mel.

I still enjoy the holidays & count myself lucky to be having birthdays, but I can’t help remembering previous, happy times. Mel & I enjoyed celebrating with family. I used to bake until the cookies & cakes were piled high & I crocheted gifts until my hands ached. For me, that was Christmas; that was how I celebrated.

Being on my own means not so many to bake for, which is probably for the best, as I was eating those cookies & cakes too & I can do without that. Everyone I know has as many crocheted items as they can deal with, so I’ve spent this past year crocheting blankets for kids, through Project Linus. I think Mel would approve of my efforts this past year.

While I still miss Mel, as I probably always will, I’m happy with my life, despite the changes. So, I guess I’ve finally reached acceptance. I sincerely hope you all find the joy in the season, despite the changes in your lives.

Have a Merry Christmas everybody!!

http://www.amazon.com/author/alannaparkekvale

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/widowhood-is-not-funny-alanna-kvale/1113675235?ean=9781617922732

 

It's Time to Re-invent Yourself!

For months after losing your husband, you feel unfocused & flaky; you just seem to drift from one day to the next, from one obligation to the next. You feel as if you are floating through life with no real purpose. Your friends hover on the edge of your grief. Many don’t know what to offer you other than their friendship; they don’t know what you want or need & neither do you for the most part. You just know it hurts.

In the beginning, all you are is “The Widow.” That’s your whole existence. You’re wrapped up in your grief & sadness, you are sadness, it seems. As time passes, you’ll begin to see yourself as something other than the victim, the poor widow. As soon as you begin to see yourself as something more than that, other facets of your personality will start to emerge.

In my case, I was able to see myself again as Mother, Grandmother, Sister, Aunt, & Friend. I began asking myself what I wanted to be in this new incarnation, what I wanted to do with my life. At that point, my world opened up & my horizons expanded. I studied, worked, honed my existing skills & added new ones. Soon, I was also Business Woman, Copywriter, Editor, Marketer, & Consultant.

Each woman must find herself, determine what she wants out of life, what she wants to be when she grows up. The important part is how you view yourself, how you think of yourself. You can’t remain forever as the “Poor Widow.”

So, get out there & re-invent yourself. You can be whatever you want to be. Emulate the Olympians & go for the Gold!

Free Book!

Keeping a journal is an essential part of making it through your grief. Writing down your thoughts & feelings can help you heal & face your new future as a widow. To that end, I have a new book available!

For those who purchase a copy of Widowhood Is Not Funny, I have a free journal to go along with it. It’s called A Widow’s Walk & each chapter contains an article intended to help you make it through your grief & help you heal, plus blank pages for you to record your own thoughts & feelings about this journey we’re on together.

When you purchase a copy of Widowhood Is Not Funny, send me an email to:

widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Show proof of purchase & I will email you a PDF copy of A Widow’s Walk, completely free of charge.

I hope you will purchase a copy of my book & send for the free journal. Keeping a journal helped me get through this grief & on into my own journey & I know it will help you too.

Thank You!

Alanna Parke Kvale

February 23, 2012

February 23, 2004-it’s been eight years since Mel passed away & I still miss him so much. Friends have tried to talk me into dating again, pointing out how nice it would be to have someone escort me places.

I don’t need to be escorted anywhere. If I want to go out, I go out, by myself, I don’t need a man to take me places.

I’ve become more independent & self-sufficient over the last eight years & I like it—a lot! I have noticed that the aforementioned friends are all happily married. My widowed friends understand completely why I’m not interested in dating or developing another romantic relationship. I didn’t choose to be single again, but as long as I have to be, I intend to enjoy the freedom to be my own person, independent & happy to remain so.

Each widow must make up her own mind about this situation—to date or not to date. Some want to be married again, others do not. Personally, I’m still in love with my husband & it would be unfair to begin dating with that attitude.

It wouldn’t be fair to always compare a new man with my husband. That new guy would always come up short, I’m afraid. I can’t have Mel back & I don’t want anyone else, so I guess that’s that.

I do intend, however, to get on with my life, doing things I love to do, doing work I enjoy & spending time with friends & family.

I’ll always love Mel & I know he loves me. We just have to be apart for awhile, but we’ll be together again one day.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mel & I celebrated our first Valentine’s Day together in February of 1968 & got engaged on February 29, 1968-Leap Day.

We had thirty-five years of Happy Valentine’s Days, but I still fondly remember that first one, we celebrated together as a couple. We were so happy! We knew right away that we loved each other.

Unfortunately, I also lost Mel in February-February 23, 2004, to be exact. I miss him a lot, especially on certain days, like Valentine’s Day, Leap Day, his birthday, & our wedding anniversary, all those personal, special days that were important to us.

February is tough to get through each year, but I choose to remember that happy February, when we met, fell in love & got engaged. I choose to remember that, in a world where half the marriages end in divorce, mine was happy & successful. It was truly a case of until death us do part.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mel! I love you!

New Year, New Start!

The New Year has always felt, to me, like a fresh start, a clean slate, a new opportunity. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned since I lost my husband and found myself alone, it’s to never ignore an opportunity. You never know where it might lead you or who you might meet. I firmly believe that we’re all here for a purpose and there’s a reason that people come into our lives. Either we’re supposed to help them or they’re supposed to help us. Sometimes, we help each other. They may not always stay, but they definitely show up for a reason, and it’s our job to figure it out and do what we can.

I know from experience that a new widow is lost when it comes to purpose. She’s lost her original purpose in life and it’s absolutely essential that she find a new one and pronto. Without purpose, she will wander in circles, drifting lost and without hope. We all need a reason to be here, a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to leave the house. Without purpose, we’d hide under the covers and become recluses.

While I understand the need for solitary reflection after losing one’s spouse, I urge you to get through your grief, then get out there and start looking for your new purpose. Open your heart and mind to new possibilities and opportunities. The sooner you do, the sooner you will find joy and happiness again, the sooner you will start to live again.

Remember, your husband would want you to live a full and happy life, so get out there and look for it! And please, I’m here listening and hoping for the very best for you in this new year. I hope you’ll post here and let me know how you’re doing. You can also contact me at widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Last Two Stops on the Current Virtual Book Tour

Hope you'll check out the last two stops on my current virtual book tour:

http://abookinside.blogspot.com/2011/09/time-to-get-linkedin.html

http://boomerlifestyle.com/blog/blogger-alanna-parke-kvale-freelance-writer-and-trailblazer-wrote-the-book-on-boomer-widowhood/

I'm being showcased today on a fellow author's blog. Hope you'll check it out.

http://www.marilynmeredith.blogspot.com/2011/08/widowhood-is-not-funny-by-alanna-kvale.html