To Our Families

Some time may have passed since we lost our loved ones. Those around us have picked up the thread of their every day lives & moved on.

Indeed, we widows have tried to move on as well & build a new life. That doesn’t mean that we are over the loss; that stays with us forever. The edges of our grief are not as sharp as they once were, but we still hurt. Every single part of a widow’s life is affected by this loss.

What helps is knowing that our families will not forget or ignore us. We still need their support & consideration. Remembering important events in our lives: birthdays, anniversaries & holidays keeps us from surrendering to depression.

It may have been years since our loss, but we still cry in the shower & the nights are still lonely. Weeks before a lost beloved’s birthday or wedding anniversary or worst of all, the anniversary of their passing are especially emotional & difficult for the widow.

Other troubles in life that the widow may be experiencing can cause additional stress in her life. A caring family, one that remembers her, checks on her & offers to help is a God-send, a blessing. Don’t assume that because she seems independent she doesn’t need your caring & compassion.

Happy Anniversary!

It’s another anniversary, another one spent alone without Mel. This would have been our 49^th wedding anniversary. We once promised that we’d grow old together. We had 35 happy years together and while I’m grateful for what we did have, it wasn’t enough. Sometimes, I still feel angry that he’s not here with me, but mostly I feel sad.

Intellectually, I know I just need to keep on moving forward, making a life for myself, but emotionally, it still hurts. It’s less sharp these days, but there are still moments that’s it’s difficult to breathe. And as days like this approach, days we used to celebrate together, the tears come more easily and frequently.

I look at photos of our special day, remembering how young and happy we were. Everyone we cared about was there that day, even my paternal grandmother and great-grandmother flew all the way from California to be there with me.

So, I’ll do what I always do. I’ll look at the photos, smile, remember and cry, then put them away and get back to rebuilding my life. I’ll find work I love to do, ways to be useful and learn to laugh again and enjoy my life.

Happy 49^th anniversary, Mel! I love you and miss you!

Friendship

February 23, 2016 marked twelve years without my wonderful husband, Mel. While the pain grows less sharp with each passing year, it does not go away entirely. There are still nights of tears & sadness.

What makes life easier & more bearable having to be without Mel are the many friends I’ve made in the last twelve years, close friends who have proven to be a safety net, a wonderful distraction, a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. They care about me & have been more help than they will ever know. They’re thoughtful, compassionate, generous people & I know I could not have made it this far without their sincere friendship.

These lovely people keep me focused on what’s important, help me along this new path with grace & generosity & encourage me when I’m down.

So, while I might be without my loving husband, I am most certainly not alone & I thank God for the wonderful people He has sent that I call friends. You know who you are!

Happy Anniversary to Me

Today would have been our 47^th wedding anniversary. Twelve years I’ve been marking this day alone, remembering how young we were, how much in love we were. It was a lovely day with friends and family and a beautiful wedding celebration. We were so happy! I love looking at our wedding album each year at this time.

Mel and I were very fortunate to have a happy marriage, to have found such love and respect and friendship. It’s not easy to find or keep, but we did it. And we had it for thirty-five years.

I find I miss the little things we had, day to day things. I miss the sound of his voice when he laughed and the way his eyes crinkled up. I miss holding hands with him. I miss his hugs and the soft kisses we shared. I miss hearing “I love you” every day.

And now, I’ve moved on and found a new life with a new purpose. Life is good, if sometimes a bit lonely.

Someday, I’ll hear him laugh again, hold hands and share kisses with him again and hear “I love you” again. Until then, I’ll remember fondly all the good times, the love and respect, and I'll count my blessings.

And for the other widows out there---

As always, I’m here if you need to talk, I understand what you’re going through.

My book “Widowhood Is Not Funny” is available everywhere you buy ebooks and the paperback version is only available on my website---

http://alannaparkekvale.weebly.com/widowhood-is-not-funny.html

You can email me at---

widow_to_widow@yahoo.com

Look for my book page on Facebook---

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Widowhood-Is-Not-Funny-by-Alanna-Parke-Kvale/114289998595598?ref=bookmarks

Goodreads Giveaway!

Sign up today to win a copy of Widowhood Is Not Funny through the Goodreads Giveaway! The contest starts tonight at midnight & runs through midnight on June 18th.
Good Luck!

 
 

    Goodreads Book Giveaway
 

   

       
   

   

     

          Widowhood is Not Funny
     
     

          by Alanna Parke Kvale
     

     

         
            Giveaway ends June 18, 2015.
         
         
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Pleased & Proud to Announce!

I'm pleased & proud to announce that my book, Widowhood Is Not Funny is now available in paperback!

Follow this link to get your copy today!
http://alannaparkekvale.weebly.com/widowhood-is-not-funny.html

What a Difference a Decade Makes!

It’s been ten years since I lost my husband, Mel, to a sudden heart attack. Sometimes, it feels like a lifetime ago and sometimes, it seems it just happened yesterday. I still love and miss him as much as ever.

For those of you who are on this same journey, I can assure you that while you will continue to miss your loved one, the pain is less sharp. You’ll cry a little less and smile a little more when you think of them. There will still be those moments of sadness, those reminders of what you’ve lost and the realization that you must face things alone.

When those moments do come around, try and remember what you’ve accomplished so far; take stock of your life, see how far you’ve come on this journey, see how you’ve grown as an individual.

For myself, I’ve come to actually appreciate the single life; it works for me. I’ve gone from total dependence on another person to self-reliance. I’ve learned that you don’t realize how strong you are until you have no choice. I’ve learned to make decisions without consulting another person.

My aim in the last ten years was to make Mel proud of me, of what I’ve accomplished and at the risk of sounding immodest, I think I’ve done it. I’ve taken my pain and put it in a book, in the hope of helping others on this journey. You can find Widowhood Is Not Funny everywhere you buy ebooks.

I’ve also used my writing skills in many different places, such as articles, blog posts and business writing. And I have another couple of books almost ready for publication, which I’m very excited about.

As much as we might miss our lost loved ones, it’s important to create a purpose-driven life we can be proud of and which do them proud as well.

 Remember—It’s not the end, it’s a new beginning!

As always, I invite you to post here on my blog and let me know how you’re doing and where your new life has taken you.